The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
