READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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