and you said cock pushups were impossible
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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