respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
