There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
