ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
