i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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