you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Randomize