And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
