Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
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