His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
