I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
