Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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