i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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