Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Randomize
