You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
