guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
did i walk over a car last night?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
