he shaved USA in his pubs
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
