I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
me + whiskey = a bad person
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
