People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You made out with two different species that night
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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