I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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