I'm really into asian looking animals
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
