How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
