Soap is not a condiment
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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