so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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