if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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