I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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