...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
i drank out of a bidet.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
How does it feel to date your dad?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
