the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
