How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize