We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
