so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
