i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
