now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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