Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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