Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
