Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
