he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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