I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
