does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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