Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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