i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
