Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
