trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
