I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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