I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
