I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
