I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
