My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
