The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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