I'm gonna have a badass scar
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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