Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
