normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
