I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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