Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
