you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
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