I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
