When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
