the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
So apparently I’m into choking now
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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