I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Ketchup is God's man juice
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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