Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Randomize
