look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
