i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
