Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
