so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
