Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
