I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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