So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
